I pulled out my art things last night in order to make something for the first time in a long time. I was actually excited about it. But then, sometime in the middle of it all, I became extremely sad. No reason really, none I could place blame on. It kind of kicked my ass though. I eventually finished what I was working on, emotionally and physically tired. There are things I don't understand, about all things, that emotional attack was one of them.
There are lots of birthdays coming up and this is part of the inspiration to use my art supplies. I used to make cards a lot. Haven't in a very long time.
Mom has been gone since Friday night. With me being sick, it has been extremely lonely at the house by myself. Made a big 'to-do' list for today but didn't get too far on it at all.
Went to starbucks after trivia tonight and the ladies behind the counter gave me my coffee for free. They said they liked my Monkees box and t-shirt. Pretty sweet.
Fall is approaching quickly and I can't get enough of the rain we've been having. It is beautiful outside right now. I want to walk but am hesitant to go alone given the time of night...unfortunate really. Still I find myself in constant amazement at the rapid passage of time. Soon it will be time for pumpkin beer. At least that is something to look forward to. :)
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
September
Considering the Peace Corps. Need to do some research. A little apprehensive of the time commitment. But I think it would be something I would really enjoy.
However, I was randomly offered a job from a friend of a friend. Figuring that out tomorrow. Nothing I've done before or ever wanted to do but it will be good to just do something to earn some money a bit. Need to get some income to keep up with bills.
I'm home alone a lot these days. Mom has found herself a girlfriend. Met her for the first time briefly tonight. She seems really nice and Mom speaks highly of her. I'm happy she is happy. She deserves a person who is as giving as she is.
I thought the news I received at the time of my last entry was troubling- well it just got worse. I've had a difficult time with it. It is the kind of thing that affects you in a way you don't quite expect or understand. I do feel better a bit since the information has had time to absorb into my brain. It is strange to look at a person from angles both closeup and far away, and to see how they've changed in certain ways and yet, how they remain mostly the same. It makes me wonder how much I've changed, if I even have enough to be noticed.
We all crave physical attention, especially from the object of our affection. Sometimes I worry about putting myself in a situation that will be harmful to me later. Trying to still live in the now and not worry so much about the future as to miss out on what is happening in front of me. It is tricky to try and find that balance. Everything comes down to balance. Said it before, probably will say it again and again.
September already. I can't believe how fast this last year has gone. I can't even tell you what I've done with myself in the last 6 months. Getting older. That's what I'm doing. Worrying too much, not living enough. Time flies faster and faster every year. Just a few months shy of Otis being gone a year. I miss him so much. Especially when I wake in the middle of night and find myself alone in my room.
However, I was randomly offered a job from a friend of a friend. Figuring that out tomorrow. Nothing I've done before or ever wanted to do but it will be good to just do something to earn some money a bit. Need to get some income to keep up with bills.
I'm home alone a lot these days. Mom has found herself a girlfriend. Met her for the first time briefly tonight. She seems really nice and Mom speaks highly of her. I'm happy she is happy. She deserves a person who is as giving as she is.
I thought the news I received at the time of my last entry was troubling- well it just got worse. I've had a difficult time with it. It is the kind of thing that affects you in a way you don't quite expect or understand. I do feel better a bit since the information has had time to absorb into my brain. It is strange to look at a person from angles both closeup and far away, and to see how they've changed in certain ways and yet, how they remain mostly the same. It makes me wonder how much I've changed, if I even have enough to be noticed.
We all crave physical attention, especially from the object of our affection. Sometimes I worry about putting myself in a situation that will be harmful to me later. Trying to still live in the now and not worry so much about the future as to miss out on what is happening in front of me. It is tricky to try and find that balance. Everything comes down to balance. Said it before, probably will say it again and again.
September already. I can't believe how fast this last year has gone. I can't even tell you what I've done with myself in the last 6 months. Getting older. That's what I'm doing. Worrying too much, not living enough. Time flies faster and faster every year. Just a few months shy of Otis being gone a year. I miss him so much. Especially when I wake in the middle of night and find myself alone in my room.
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