September

Considering the Peace Corps. Need to do some research. A little apprehensive of the time commitment. But I think it would be something I would really enjoy. 


However, I was randomly offered a job from a friend of a friend. Figuring that out tomorrow. Nothing I've done before or ever wanted to do but it will be good to just do something to earn some money a bit. Need to get some income to keep up with bills. 


I'm home alone a lot these days. Mom has found herself a girlfriend. Met her for the first time briefly tonight.  She seems really nice and Mom speaks highly of her. I'm happy she is happy. She deserves a person who is as giving as she is.


I thought the news I received at the time of my last entry was troubling- well it just got worse. I've had a difficult time with it. It is the kind of thing that affects you in a way you don't quite expect or understand. I do feel better a bit since the information has had time to absorb into my brain. It is strange to look at a person from angles both closeup and far away, and to see how they've changed in certain ways and yet, how they remain mostly the same. It makes me wonder how much I've changed, if I even have enough to be noticed.  


We all crave physical attention, especially from the object of our affection. Sometimes I worry about putting myself in a situation that will be harmful to me later. Trying to still live in the now and not worry so much about the future as to miss out on what is happening in front of me. It is tricky to try and find that balance. Everything comes down to balance. Said it before, probably will say it again and again.


September already. I can't believe how fast this last year has gone. I can't even tell you what I've done with myself in the last 6 months. Getting older. That's what I'm doing. Worrying too much, not living enough. Time flies faster and faster every year. Just a few months shy of Otis being gone a year. I miss him so much. Especially when I wake in the middle of night and find myself alone in my room.