Circles

*sigh* *sigh* *siiiigggghhh*

I don't really believe that everything happens for a reason. I think it is easy to look back on a situation and see how it paved the way for something else to take place. Causality. Perhaps that's the same thing but I don't see it that way.

I can't get over the fact that no matter how much you want something the opposite is what comes crashing down on you.

You think you know a person, you think you can read people pretty well, that you are a good judge of character...but are you really? Maybe people are just getting better at hiding themselves.

I feel dispensible. It is not a feeling I'd like to have. It makes me question everyone and everything. It makes me anxious and my stomach upset. Perhaps i've just missed the boat or something. My mom says i'm not indespensible to her... :) that counts for something.

What I feel sounds so silly when I try to describe it. There is this connection...we talk, a lot. There is...understanding...at least i really feel that there is. I've always been on a different wavelength and it seems like suddenly i'm not the only one. I feel potential- real, solid, honest. Afraid to get caught up in another wave only to get pummeled, turned upside down and washed up. I don't want to sound cliche- it just feels different.

But maybe it's only different to me.