The past three days have been full of reflection and realization. In talking with a few friends from different times in my life about the same thing, I see now where I need to go from here. And part of me is relieved that I am not alone in feeling what I feel in where I currently am.
The time has come for me to build myself up. I must value myself more than I value others. No longer will I allow myself to be taken advantage of and walked all over again and again because of my caring nature. To find happiness I must make it for myself first. I know these things. Now, I must just figure out how to make it happen. I've started a book I am hoping will help, 'A New Earth'.
It will be difficult, it will take time, but it starts now. There will be times when I fall down a few rungs on this ladder to new heights but as long as I don't stop climbing I'll be alright. It will require constant reminders to myself- no one will value me the way I want to be valued if I don't value myself in that way first. You can apply this to anything if you replace the word 'value' with something else. Still, I'll treat others the way I want to be treated but if it is not reciprocated I refuse to allow the mistreatment to continue. In the end, I'm the one left hurting. I am forgiving and patient with those I cherish- and that's okay, but there comes a time when I just have to let go. Letting go is something that is incredibly problematic for me. However, in order for me to survive, I MUST learn to do it.
I'm paving the way for others to make an effort on my behalf instead of it always being the other way around. I want to be happy. I will work for it. And I will eventually find it. Those who are around me will be happier because of that happiness. So really, it is a Win Win situation.
My turn has come.
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