It seems the few, but small, attempts I've made to change things for myself in a major way have not worked out. But at the moment, that is alright. I've landed 4 house sitting gigs (the first of which I am currently carrying out). All while bringing me back, yet again to Phoenix.
The internet went out at the house though, I haven't been able to get it back up and running. It's weird without it, even though I'm used to not having it at home. Usually I just pandora on or something. So anyway, I had to come to starbucks.
All day yesterday I watched Harry Potter movies and felt completely cut off from life outside of those films. The all HP Geeks Who Drink quiz is coming up, so I'm trying to brush up. Also re-reading the fifth book, one that I always particularly favored.
The small foster dog at the house chewed through one of my flip flops while I was in the shower- blarg to that. I'll have to go get a new pair somewhere. I sure as hell do not want to wear shoes the rest of the time I'm here.
I know it seems strange, especially coming from me of all people, but more and more I just keep thinking that there is no 'end goal'. That doesn't really convey what I mean. But, this all could just end, today, tomorrow, in a month. Can't really look forward to anything or something 'getting better' or 'finally happening' in the future. Just gotta try to enjoy today. It sounds so cliche and we've all heard it a million times, but I think maybe it's finally sinking in for me. Or i'm finally understanding it for the first time? I don't know. But I just don't feel like I have the patience or desire to deal with shit anymore. I want to laugh and enjoy things and try to hold on to some happiness...because I feel I've allowed it to evade me for too long. And it's ultimately up to me to embrace it and let it in... I think maybe I'm ready...
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